I began to notice an inner-agitation at the start of the summer. I grew tired of wandering aimlessly through my days, waking for work and that being the main purpose for which my days went on. As always I would go to the gym, which had always been an outlet of fun and intensity that I could look forward to. Afterwards, I would have dinner, and if the desire was there, read and write. Then, repeat… simply getting by with no reason why or melody to follow. I was alive, active, and could wear a smile but I was still only living half-way. A sudden exhaustion that settled in on me as the increasing day light, warmth and blue sky of the Northern summer beckoned my youth to explore and enjoy as much of it as I could. This led to serious dissatisfaction.
I was a writer who would write on a whim when heavy experiences demanded escape from my mind. I had the desire and organized thought to publish but also had many incomplete works. I was a skilled musician who only played an instrument when inner longing required passion to express itself through sound and vibration. I owned the personal secret songs of the multi-talented artist. Songs played in the chambers of my heart and would ignite my soul, but no one else’s.
It had been this way for years; yearning to let my inner man free- run, sing, dance, play, write- to CREATE, but I had not found my voice. All my efforts to music and write were fervent with short-lived projects. Though there was well-intended evidence of vision, I lacked the focus, mission, and time management to stay on point.
I wandered and wondered for a very long time. I had been seeking the reason- a reason to sing, a reason to write, a reason to tell that story, a reason to truly own my position here in the world. But now, I have freed my future from my past by owning them both in the present with a mission and a vision of my own. With a well made outline of clear steps I uncovered the truth of who I am- the continuum of my existence and the reason why. With identity comes the mature yoke of productivity- the feeling of not only “I Must” but also “I Can”- the oldest of ancient motivations.
So, here I am- writing and sharing on purpose. Choosing on purpose. Less ruled by wind and tide. No longer waking and moving with half of my heart. My days are short but they are not for hurried rushing or frantici-filling. My days are for pointed-focus, single-minded commiment, whole-hearted loving, pure enjoyment of all that comes and the deep breath of peace when waves bolster all around. All-in-all, living on purpose is to live with it…not listening to the voice of any other demands, fads, or well-intended and sincere suggestions that don’t align with one’s purpose. Living on purpose is knowing yourself and living in accordance and resonance with who you are.
Who are you?
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